Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Growth

As many of you who are close know, the last several months have been rather difficult for me spiritually. I have felt expressively boxed-in at the seminary and in church, without many real outlets for the turmoil I've felt. A few of you have graciously received the brunt of my complaints. For that I am grateful (and sorry).

I have been dreading the semester which has now arrived, as I struggle to complete yet unfinished projects from last semester and attempt to stay ahead in this one. But this morning I had a bit of a breakthrough. I am taking a class appropriately called Personal Spiritual Disciplines, and was given a vision for holy living and a concrete plan on how to foster joy in my relationship with God. This is something I have missed for a couple of years now.

You see, because I felt unnoticed, unused, and unappreciated; being fed facts but with little opportunity to talk about or implement them; I became morose and introspective. I began to rebel against the the rules that I felt were unnecessary and unbiblical representations of 'the system'. But, while they may be, it does not excuse my rebellious action and refusal to humble myself under those I have placed in authority over me due to my selection of this school.

Suffice it to say, I have come to terms with the authority over me, and I will submit. Not because I necessarily agree with everything, but because I must not be a rebel. I have much yet to learn and a rebel's heart would prevent me from learning it. I look forward to rebuilding my relationship with God, and with those I have alienated lately. To those people, I owe a great apology. Friends and family, seminary is a tough place with little immediate pay-off. I need your prayers to make it through. Thank you for all the moral, emotional, and financial support you have already been to us.

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